Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in infectionx_x's LiveJournal:

Monday, December 31st, 2007
12.31.07 - 4.46pm	ughh Today was supposed to be our anniversary =[ and no.. it's not like we broke up 5 months ago... 3 weeks ago... and for no goddamn reason.. he's suck a fucking ass hole.. but i still love him so much and I would do anything to get back with him.. we're still going to snowflake together.. and he wants me to go to Altoona with him to get his tie.. but it's just gonna be me and him.. and I think it's going to be awkward because like we hardly talk... butt I'm gonna go with him anyways because he wants me to..  blahh.. whatever.. I'm not wasting my whole day being upset.. because I'm a little bit stronger than that.  Current Mood: crushed
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Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
9.2.07 - 12.40am	So heres the deal.. I'm reading this book called diary of a crush.. all about this girl Edie and she got a crush on this boy Dylan.. but she has a boyfriend named Josh and he says "'OK, if you're so keen on the truth, Edie, who kisses you better, Josh or me? Do you cling to him every time he kissed you? Do you go all soft abd shaky when he touched you? Cause you do with me'         It was as if Dylan had been reading this Diary. I felt like he's cut me open and was looking directly at my heart." ..thats exactly how I feel when George asks me whats wrong and I tell him nothing.. and he tells me he KNOWS theres something wrong because he can just tell... it's weird I mean I like it.. but at the same time I completely hate it.. because when theres something I don't want to talk about I feel like I have to because he knows when I want to talk about something.. it's weird..
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Sunday, April 1st, 2007
4.1.07 - 10.44pm	;_; so.. I hurt myself today... after being scared of myself for a week and 3 days I finally did it... and I don't regret it one bit... it made me feel like me... I've been so fake lately... it's like I'm trying to pretend to be happy so I don't make the people around me sad.. because thats the last thing I want to do... which is why I find it very hard to talk to people about it... I just hate it... I hate seeing their reactions...  I hate living everyday scared of myself... I don't know why I scare myself... I like to cut... it makes me feel okay... whenever I know I won't be... and it just makes me feel real... and like everything around me is actually there... and it's so hard not to cut... but I know that I shouldn't... and the hardest part is not thinking that it's wrong... how am I supposed to stop doing something when I don't see anything wrong with it... I mean... why do people think it's wrong? what is wrong about it? it's just a way of venting feelings... feelings that can't be talked out.. Current Mood: depressed
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Saturday, March 31st, 2007
3.31.07 - 11.30pm	Kris.. okay.. soo I guess I miss Kris.. like a lot... everyday I wake up... and I still can't believe she's gone.. it's been almost 3 years.. and I still can't believe it.. and I guess it's finally hit me that she's never comming back... ever.. she's moved on.. even if I haven't... and I have no clue how she or Luke moved on... I'm ready to kill myself and I wasn't even the one dating her... she was like a sister to me.. I felt like I could trust her with my whole life.. no matter what.. and then, after 6 years, she's just gone.. at the time I was 12... that means I had literally spent half of my life with her.. and after lying to myself for almost 3 years now telling myself that she's gonna come back and everything is going to be the same way it was before.. and Luke and Kris are gonna get married... and then I realize she's not here anymore.. and she probably never will be.. I've got Allison instead... oh fucking joy.. and I remember the nights me and Luke layed in his bed and cried together... and then months after that I would go and talk to him and he would tell me that everything would be alright and all of this without one tear.. and then he told me that I should decide when him and Allison can get married.. honestly I don't want her to ever get married to him.. she's fucking using him.. and I hate her more than anything. I'm so scared of myself tonight... scared I'm gonna do something I don't want to.. scared I'm going to cut myself again.. I think Kris is kinda the one that made me start cutting... just because I heard about how she scraped her tattoo off with a razor..
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Monday, February 26th, 2007
2.26.07 - 8.01pm	;_; omg I seriously feel like killing myself right now... did I do something wrong? is there something i shoud've done better? am I a bad friend? ugh ;_; one of my best best best friends just told me he recently started cutting himself again.. and honestly you wouldn't believe how bad that makes me feel...  like honestly if there weren't a billion people in my house watching every move i make to be sure that I don't hurt myself.. then I would be dead by now. I hate when he tells me things like this... but I'm glad he trusts me... yano... and like honestly if he would've told me any day but today i wouldn't mind it at all... like I would care that he was doing it but I woulnd't concider killing myself.. but tonight was terrible. dance sucks. and now I feel like killing myself. UGH, GOD, I hope George calls soon.
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